Using Words with Wisdom
Various Proverbs
We really want to appreciate Juwon for many years of taking care of our kids (since 1994). On behalf of the parents and the church, we want to recognize and honor Juwon and Betty for all they’ve done for our kids.
As I was thinking about appreciating Juwon, I was reminded of how much Proverbs speaks about the power of kind and encouraging words, how our words can be such a gift and blessing. Proverbs has a lot to say about words. Today I’d like to take a quick survey at the wisdom of using our words to heal and bless: 12 adjectives/words.
18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.
Proverbs recognizes that words are (1) powerful: death and life. The potential to harm or help should not be underestimated.
And those who recognize its power, who appreciate its better uses will benefit. It is not just kind, it is wise to use it well for the benefit of others. We also will “eat its fruits.”
12:18 There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Words are powerful. They can be like sword thrusts, a jab, giving deep wounds and serious injury. They can be like a slap in the face, a punch in the gut, salt on an open wound.
Words can also bring healing. We’ll see this theme repeated; words can be like medicine; they can restore, comfort, they can be life-sapping or life-giving.
Particularly, this proverb warns against rash words, words spoken without thought or consideration. Sometimes we don’t think about how words may affect others. Some speak without any filters or safe guards. Some people are like loaded guns with no safety lock. Wise is the one who thinks before he speaks, who recognizes the power of words and uses them not rashly but (2) thoughtfully and carefully.
15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Some words stir up anger, some words calm anger down.
15:4 A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.
The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit. (NIV)
These verses speak about a soft answer, a (3) gentle tongue. There is control, temperance.
I wanted give the NIV & ESV to bring out what is contained in the Hebrew: a gentle, healing tongue is a tree of life. Gentle and healing are woven together.
These words are a tree of life. The picture is that words can be life-giving, healing. But “tree of life” points us back to the garden of Eden. Gentle, healing words are like a glimpse of paradise.
There’s a secular psychologist, John Gottman, who has studied marriage for decades and one of his suggestions is to avoid “harsh start-ups.” When couples discuss grievances, how you start often sets the tone for how the whole conversation will go. He says that 96% of the time, he only needs to see the first 3 minutes to predict how the conversation will end. Start harshly, end harshly. Start softly, end softly. He suggests that if you started harshly, it may be better to stop, maybe take a break, and try starting over. We want to learn to be gentle and soft.
Notice what this is in contrast to: perverseness, deceit. It is dishonest, deceitful speech that breaks the spirit. We are warned against deceit and so urged toward (4) honest speech.
Let me zoom in on one dimension of this. This is can be at odds: some people express themselves “honestly” but “honestly” often is not gently or softly. In the name of honesty some can be sharp, spiteful, hurtful, and angry, because these are the feelings. Others try to be gentle and soft but are not honest. Because of their conflict avoidance, they don’t speak up about their hurt, resentment, or anger.
A wise person can be both honest and gentle; they are not conflict avoiders but actually bring health and healing, they are agents of reconciliation.
25:11 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.
There is something beautiful about just the right word at just the right time.
We might recognize the opposite, when we don’t know what the right thing to say would be, or when we feel like we’ve said the wrong thing at the wrong time. Or maybe someone, even with good intentions, have said unhelpful things. Wrong word, wrong time.
Wisdom to say the right thing, at the right time, in the right way. (5) Fitting, timely.
I’m sorry, I’m sorry I hurt you. I love you. Of course I love you.
I’m proud of you. It doesn’t matter what happens, I’m always proud of you.
At just the right time, that’s what our friend, our spouse, our kids need to hear.
I can think of a personal example when I was going through a really hard, dark time, and some of those around me said just the right thing: nothing. They just listened; they didn’t offer solutions or give me Bible verses. Like Job’s friends, they just sat with me in ashes. They cried with me.
25:12 Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear.
These two verses go together. A wise rebuke and a listening ear, an appropriate word at just the right time—these are like two pieces of jewelry that are made to go together and enhance one another.
Sometimes a rebuke is a precious gift, an expression of love and trust, protection from more serious harm. Proverbs speaks of the wisdom of being able to receive and appreciate correction. (6) Correcting.
There is wisdom on both sides: to give a wise rebuke and to well receive that rebuke (both so needed!). When it goes well, when it fits, it’s like jewelry—so beautiful, so precious!
16:24 Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.
Gracious (NIV pleasant) words: 2 characteristics
(7) Sweet, pleasing
(8) Healing, restorative; honey seen as medicinal
Some words are both sweet and healing; medicine that tastes like candy (kids Tylenol syrup that taste like bubble gum; gummy vitamins) and chocolate that is good for your health (lower blood pressure, lower cholesterol). Best of both worlds!
That’s what gracious words are like. They are gifts, blessings!
I would like to say that generally (historically) at Renewal, I think we have a real shortage of these kinds of words: words that are both sweet and healing/restorative.
It’s easy to complain, criticize, grumble and gossip. But I think we have a shortage of words of appreciation, affirmation, apology and affection.
It is really good for us to express our appreciation for Juwon and Betty. They’ve served faithfully for many years, without a lot of recognition and certainly not for the money. They’ve loved our children. They have served at significant personal cost/sacrifice to themselves. It is good and proper for us to honor and appreciate them.
And with that, let me say, there are many others who are also, even now, serving sacrificially and faithfully, without much recognition and certainly not for the money. Many hear (directly or indirectly) too many complaints when thing go wrong, and do not hear enough appreciation for all that they do well. This is not edifying, and this is not wise. Let’s address this imbalance and move toward greater positive, sweet and healing words.
10:20 The tongue of the righteous is choice silver; the heart of the wicked is of little worth.
10:21 The lips of the righteous feed many, but fools die for lack of sense.
“Feed” is sometimes translated “shepherd.” The lips of the righteous are (9) precious like silver and (10) nourishing, shepherding. These words feed the soul.
Again, we need more words the build up, not tear down, words that nourish, not wound.
I’d like you to consider sharing those words with one another, with our spouse and kids. Help build a community that nourishes, that bring healing, that is like honey to the soul. Perhaps you might considering saying/emailing some things today (Juwon & Betty, and others).
Notice 10:20. tongue and heart are compared/seen as parallel. The heart produces words, words reveal the heart. There’s a direct connection. And (11) from the heart comes something precious (like silver) or something worthless.
Words are a reflection of the heart. It is our heart that makes what we say precious or worthless.
That’s what Jesus himself said:
The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks. (Luke 6:45)
Good trees bear good fruit. Bad trees bear bad fruit.
They key to becoming a wise person who can bless others with precious, sweet, nourishing words is to have a heart that is sweet, loving, gracious, generous, strong, kind.
We do not want to just “try harder” to say thoughtful, gentle, honest, timely, correcting, sweet, healing, precious and nourishing words. We need our hearts overflowing with joy, love and grace. This is a heart issue, not just a tongue issue.
That’s where we need the (12) from the Gospel/Jesus. (1) We’re going through a study of the Gospel in our Community Groups and would invite you to join us. (2) We want to spread the Gospel so that so that individuals, communities, and cultures are renewed in Christ.
The greatest words of blessing are not the words we give to one another. They are the words our God gives to us.
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)
You are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased. (Mark 1:11)
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. (John 10:10-11)
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1)
These are the words that give our hearts comfort, joy, peace, strength and love. These are His promises and blessings for you. When our hearts are filled with hope and comfort, freedom and joy, in that abundance we bless others with our words.